Recently “the husband” and I have been working on a small home decorating project. After a few days of heated (but not un-anticipated) exchange, work and re-work, the project is partially complete.

After a zillion years of working with “the husband”, I’ve come up with a few thoughts on home decoration and home improvement projects. There is ample room for process improvement which I am unilaterally planning to implement immediately.

My home decorating and home improvement projects with “the husband*” currently have 5 distinct phases.

Phase 1: Decision (See photo)
I methodically cull online sites and magazines for ideas I believe we will like. I then share them with “the husband” and we agree on an overall look. The actual locating of amazing ideas is time consuming as is the actual ‘barter’ discussion with “the husband” on agreement of a mutually acceptable idea. Many times ‘the husband” isn’t able or willing to give the project decision process 100% of his time. Distractions like sports, pool time etc. are stiff competition for full focus. Military precision and timing is required on my part to ensure I pick a time “the husband” is fed, happy, and not engaged in an activity that he deems more worthy than a home project discussion. Attempting to supersede this phase may result in lengthy discussions with “the husband” that are sure to force me to drink far more than I should.

Phase 2: Purchase and Locate Products
One again, I am out harvesting the actual products for the project. Being cost conscious, I shop a multitude of online sites as well as brick and mortar stores. This is usually done without “the husband” mainly for my sanity and his protection. Phase 2 can be quite time consuming. At times, I’ve spent days finding that perfect component of a project at an amazing price and “the husband” looks at the item and says “what are we going to do with that?” When he utters those words, the image of a large pit being dug, perhaps with our shovels, comes to mind. The digging would certainly involve a few of my good friends and a pitcher or two of martinis.

Phase 3: Install
Phase 3 rests heavily on “the husband” as it may necessitate a two person project working together for such as hanging large items or, just stuff I don’t want to do. Now “the husband” is Norwegian, so he only likes to do one thing at a time. I on the other hand like music playing loudly, lots of conversation and laughter. I’ve acquiesced to his requirements in large part due to the fact that I don’t want to dig through his tools and drag things in & out of the garage. I’ve also no desire to hoist heavy stuff up to the top of a high ladder nor do I want to clean up after we paint or wallpaper. (I.E., the stuff I don’t want to do.) To be sure we’re in agreement on a project I will attempt to carefully lay out the project physically so we are both in line with the finished product. I’ve learned the hard way to ask for verbal or visual agreement on the install.

Phase 4: His install (See photo)
“The husband” doesn’t want to do the project or didn’t listen. He completes the project the way he thinks it should go. (Many times it isn’t even close to phase 1.)

Phase 5: Re-install (See photo)
We go back to phase 1. Phase 5 may or may not involve far too honest assessments of skills such as listening, partnering, silent treatment, giving a poop and testing of door strength. During this phase, my mind travels back to my thoughts of a pit, and I further envision a coffin “the husband” would surely enjoy. It would be lined with all the project plans we’ve completed accompanied by phase 3 and 4 photos, loud music, and the sound of my friends and my laughter as we sat graveside drinking many, many pitchers of martinis. (A vivid imagination is a good thing, right?) Ultimately, “the husband” and I do circle back and complete things as agreed in phase 1.

Revised home decorating  & home improvement projects without “the husband*” will have 3 distinct phases.

Phase 1: Decision
I methodically cull online sites and magazines for ideas I believe we will like. I then share them with “the husband” and we agree on an overall look. I completely ignore any input gathered in this phase and do exactly what I would like to do.

Phase 2: Purchase and Locate Products
I’ll shop for the items I decided on in phase one. I’ll go shopping with friends and we’ll celebrate our purchases with dinner, conversation, laughter and drinks.

Phase 3: Install
A handyman or contractor will complete the project. Once the project is complete I’ll treat “the hubby” to a weekend vacation  to the resort of his choice. Win/Win